Men Have Feelings? Really? You're Kidding!The obvious issue here is that men are generally not all the forthcoming about their feelings, at least not in the way we wives are. Men are not like women who talk and discuss and describe feelings and happenings. Men are more likely to talk about a challenge they have faced, or will have to face. Per Dr. Laura numerous affairs start because us women/wives do not realize that our men have feelings and a majority of men she has asked about why they had an affair stated "It's about the how she made me feel about myself."
One story is about a woman who was sitting and with her best friend, chatting. Within the conversation that she had with her friend she wanted to ask her a question, but first said she hoped she wasn't offending her or hurting her feelings before she asked her a question she wanted to ask. Her friend said, "Nothing you do will ever offend or bothers me. But my husband regularly bothers and offends me.
(Reading that puts things into perspective for me, again I have stated in the past, why would we treat our friends better than our husbands?)Per Dr. Laura, if wives can't easily slip our of their self-centered mode, "It's all about me feelings", perhaps they can at least try to consider that the perspective presented here could give them more of what they want - The main source of husband's bad attitudes, negative responses, and disappointing behaviors is their wives' attitude toward them and their feelings. Plain and simple.
Here are a couple of examples that Dr. Laura gives on playing on feelings for one couple:
1. When a wife wants to go do something wither her friends, she says he should trust her and allow her that freedom. When he feels that he needs some alone or buddy time, she says that he doesn't love her or want to spend time with her - even when she's invited. It's all about her feelings - not his.
2. When she spends money, it's okay because it's something she "needed", and she should have the freedom to spend money when she wants to buy something. When he wants to spend money, she calls him irresponsible. It's all about her feelings - not his.
3. They see her family about twice a week. When he wants to see his family, she complains that he's not being sensitive to her feelings about her family. It's all about her feelings - not his.
(In my family I think this may apply to all the in-laws, man or woman, on the Dickhaus side, we are a tight clan that doesn't want to be separated, ever, I can hear it now -What? What other family - oh yours, that's right.)4. "Basically", the husband writes, "it's her priorities that matter. She'll have the whole weekend planned, while I'd love to have some downtime together. She'll say that I'm not supporting her. "It's all about her feelings - not his."
One husband wrote this in" Despite our rugged outward appearance, most men tend to have delicate psyches. I know four very happily married men. In each case their wives make a point of stroking their egos and making them feel that they approve of them. Consequently, these men practically worship their wives.
Dr. Laura believes that women in general have been taught to disdain the "male ego", ascribing to it a sense of phoniness, immaturity, and weakness. Ladies, what makes the male ego issue any different from our "body ego" issue? Our husbands have to tell us our bodies are perfect and that these pants don't make us look fat because (a) we don't want to hear the truth, (b) we can't handle the truth, and/or (c) if they tell us the truth, then we're hurt, they're mean and insensitive,and the relationship is shot down in mid-flight. We, as women want to know that we are lovely and desirable because of our shapes. They, as men, want to know that they are desirable by us because of their prowess in providing for their families, satisfying their women sexually, and having the strength and leadership to confront challenges and protect their family and values. They need that and they need that from us. A wife can tear down a husband's necessary sense of strength or importance more easily with a look or a comment than can torture in a prison camp. Their wives approval is as important as oxygen; surviving their wives lack of approval is emasculation.
Here are a couple things that Dr. Laura states every man needs from his wife and in summary watch the words and looks and thoughts coming from your mind and mouth because they go deeper than us woman actually think, and I believe that men hold onto the nasty things we may call them longer than we do.
* What every man wants is for his woman to make him feel that he is strong and the head of the household.
* A man wants respect, kindness, and love from his woman.
* A man needs his woman to show him that she needs his strength to help her through her life.
* A man needs enthusiastic approval, appreciation, and respect from his wife for being a competent man, husband, and father.
* A man needs his wife to show some interest in his interests, especially when it's an activity she may not "get" or like. Just being there is important.
* A man needs his wife to greet him after work with love and enthusiasm.
* A man needs to know that his wife is sexually satisfied by him.
* A man needs his wife's encouragement in order to be a man.
There is a lot more stories and comments to this chapter, but I think these things summarize what us women can do to a man's ego/feelings and listed are things that we should be saying or doing instead. Good Luck !
